Lesson 1: Be Your Own Best Friend by Honoring Your Strengths

After completing, Relationship Building Strategies for Success at Home and Work Introduction, join me for the audio or text of Lesson 1. If you are listening to the audio, you may want to hit pause/play button (double lines for pause) when you come to the activity, and scroll down to 1.4.


1.1 Introduction

For many of us, it takes practice to learn to speak kindly to ourselves. We have voices from the past, memories of past experiences that wind around our minds, and fears of the future that can dominate the present. It is possible to reverse the negative trip in our thoughts and hearts and bring in positive messages for our health and well-being. In this lesson you will see how being your own best friend is the first step to building supportive relationships. You can take a day for each section of this lesson and complete it in a week or set aside about an hour or so for completing the lesson.

1.2 Be your own best friend

You develop friendships through trust, kindness, and gratitude. As friends, you trust and support each other with the positive words you share and actions you take. You know you are best friends by your heartfelt nonjudgmental conversations and supportive actions. The best way to be a friend to someone else, is to first be a best friend to yourself.

I suspect you don’t often think about how to be a best friend to yourself. The first step to being your best friend is to be kind to yourself.

1.3 Be kind to yourself

A 2019 article in Science Daily, Being Kind to Yourself Has Mental and Physical Benefits, describes a study by the Universities of Exeter and Oxford that found being kind to yourself has many benefits.

These findings suggest that being kind to oneself switches off the threat response and puts the body in a state of safety and relaxation that is important for regeneration and healing.”

Read the article 📖

You have so many amazing natural strengths and interests that you often don’t realize what a unique package you make when you put them all together as you!

1.4 Vegetable Personality Styles

Vegetable Personality Styles eBook for more about the Vegetable Personality Styles™


How can you develop a positive attitude of gratitude that will help you become your own best friend? You begin with a vocabulary of strengths words that you can say to yourself to counteract negative thoughts and voices that might come into your mind. Begin with describing your Vegetable Personality Style™ strengths in these fun activities.

  1. Download the Vegetables Personality Styles™ Inventory and highlight your natural strengths.
  2. On the same page, download the Color Your Plate with Vegetable Personality Strengths and fill in your strengths.
  3. Begin creating a portfolio with an  About Me section and include the documents above. Learn more about the About Me section at Always Employable,  Learn more…

You can come back to the activity above if you are pressed for time, but they are worth the effort. Here is a strengths words short list if needed:

  • Creator
  • Problem-solver
  • Builder
  • Organizer
  • Coordinator
  • Fixer

If you have a vocabulary of strengths words, you speak kindly to yourself, and you feel grateful every day to be alive, then your positive attitude of gratitude will flow out of you. When you have a positive attitude, it will show in your face and body language. Your attitude of gratitude doesn’t mean that you are always happy, and things are going well all the time. Your attitude reflects how you approach life. In fact, a positive attitude full of gratitude will better prepare you for the everyday challenges in your life and relationships.

1.5 Mindful Moment Homework

To be your own best friend, you need to speak to yourself with a positive supportive voice.  Begin being your own best friend with gratitude toward yourself for who you are with all of your natural strengths. Find a strengths word from the Color Your Plate activity. It might be a word that you want to focus on this week for confidence or motivation.

Take a mindful moment.

  • Sit comfortably in your chair with your feet on the floor and your arms relaxed.
  • Take a moment to breathe deeply through your nose as your belly expands and out through your mouth as your belly deflates.
  • As you breathe, say one of your strengths words, for example “I am creative,” or “I am a problem-solver.” 

1.6 Challenges to being kind to yourself 

You may be feeling pressure from our “rush to find success” culture and find yourself ignoring your needs. Somehow when you are exhausted it is supposed to feel like success, but it doesn’t. Being successful is being the best of yourself and being kind to yourself. Notice your challenges to being kind to yourself. Here are a few examples of challenges and and what you can do through kindness.

  • You make a mistake. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes.
  • You hear a voice telling you something negative. Counter with a strength from your About Me section of your binder.
  • You don’t have time for kindness to yourself. Make time, you are worth it.

Being kind to yourself is the first step to being kind to others and building supportive relationships.

Next week begin Lesson 2 Communicate Your Strengths to Yourself and Others

Need support, accountability, motivation, or assistance for completing or getting the most out of the course? You can sign up for Email Course Coaching at a cost of only $50 for a month. Purchase this option again at anytime to work on the course.

Links can change, contact course creator, Nancy, with questions, comments, concerns, or if you need further discussion on relationships. This course is not in any way advice, coaching, or counseling.


Vegetable Personality Styles website to view or order Vegetable Personality Cards.

Vegetable Personality Styles eBook on Amazon.com, for fun vegetable activities,  exercises, and more to share with your family. I enjoyed sharing them for presentations, mentoring groups, and classes.

Copyright Nancy J Miller @ 2021 Content is covered by copyright. You are welcome to share the link to this free lesson. www.nancyjmiller.com.